28 Weeks and Growing

Being pregnant makes you a walking target for numerous inappropriate and downright rude comments from seemingly considerate people. Fortunately for me, getting pregnant was no easy feat, so from day one I have relished the burgeoning belly, enormous breasts, and maternity clothes. I know you may be thinking I am being sarcastic, but in all honesty I have loved every moment. I wake up thankful everyday to be sharing in this happy conspiracy. My special ever-growing, ever-moving gift. Date of arrival, still to be determined.

What is a constant surprise to me is how a lot of people really want to rain on your pregnancy parade. Here are just a few of the total bullshit comments I have heard just this week.

"Wow. You are so much bigger than my daughter".
This was said by a co-worker, who seems to think we share some bond since her daughter is due two months before me. Her daughter has had a very difficult pregnancy and I truly do hate that for her. She found out early on that she had gestational diabetes and is only 29 days away from her delivery date and has only gained 10 pounds. Of course I must look enormous to her. I can gain 10 pounds over the Thanksgiving holidays.

"Are you sure your due date isn't earlier than April?
Hmmm you're probably right. I have absolutely no interest in the actual projected delivery date of my own child. Like it hasn't been etched in my mind from day one and I haven't been counting off each week. I smile back politely, but in my mind I slap them squarely on the forehead and kick them in the shins. Hard.

"Can you still see your feet"?
Um yea. WTF kind of question is this? But to answer your moronic question, I can still see my feet because I know they are in desperate need of some love and affection. AKA a pedicure.

"How much weight have you gained"?
Again, WTF. This question should be off limits. PERIOD.
I smile back and lie. I tell them a number that is five pounds less than my weight at my last check-up which was almost a month ago. In my mind I sucker punch them in their not-so-firm stomach and laugh as they bend over in pain, trying to catch their breath.

"Boy you really have popped out".
This one I don't mind as much as the others. I simply smile and say, yes he is just growing and growing.

"Well you really are all baby".
Hmm thanks for the compliment, but I have seen my rear-end, my ankles, the extra skin on my back. I know when I zip up my knee-high boots in an attempt to sexy-up a maternity dress, that they are tight in the legs and I will pay the price for wearing them later. Don't try to play me like a fool. But again I simply smile and say, thank you.

What should all of these messengers of idiocy be thankful for? So far my hormones have been in check. No random bouts of sniveling. In fact, I have been truly shocked by my own manners and self restraint in these delicate situations. Normally I tend to have a quick tongue and speak off the cuff.

Right now, I feel as if I am wading down a long warm leisurely river where with each passing month the current begins to speed up ever-so-slightly. I know at the end I will have to swim the rapids and I want to be able to go with it, instead of fight the current. Maybe I'm starting to realize that I will need all the stores of my energy I can save, for what is to come.